Thanks for stopping by, it is nice to see you too! I wish I could say I was getting better but I'm actually seriously messed up, in pain, crippled, and frightened these past few months. Every day seems worse than the day before & I can barely concentrate on anything and can hardly do anything lately. This is causing me a lot of anxiety which of course makes it worse & now I think I'm stuck trying to fight the onset of major depression. I did not write the above post, it is a guest post written by my good friend Jack Puglis. I just copy/pasted what he sent me into the blog. Jack is a brilliant man whose writing I greatly admire so I was honored to be able to publish a Guest Post from him.
I am too sick to focus long enough to put the right words to things I want to say; my neurological problems are terrifying, it used to just get between my brain & mouth so wrong words came out when I talk that are unrelated to the actual words I want to say. But now it is also screwing with my "word retrieval" abilities when I write, too. which is an especially cruel thing to happen to a person like me who always wrote better than spoke and who thinks & remember ers things in words with letters in them instead of other people who think with images or whatever in their minds.
I have so much to share with everyone about all kinds of stuff but I can't get it from in my head out into the words people could see and it is soooo frustrating! I'm sorry for whining, but this is the first chance I've had to talk about it & I owe my friends an explanation about my absence, right?
I would love to keep the blog alive while my brain is broken and I'd also like to offer an opportunity for non-bloggers or very small blog bloggers, or new writers, and people who write great stuff in the comments sections of blogs we like to have a platform to share their thoughts and I can do this by accepting & publishing Guest Posts if anyone is interested in writing & sending them to me. Could you please let some of our friends know?
This is the most writing I've done in a long time & now I'm wiped out. It takes very little to drain me! The worst is the pain though, oh my God, I can't even begin to describe how horrible & debilitating it is. I can't walk w/o a staff to lean on & even then for some reason my brain will only let my feet take these tiny little shuffling steps like a doddering old dying man so it takes freaking forever just to travel across a room and sometimes five steps into.a thirty step walk I can go no further & I just lean on my tall walking stick and try not to cry while praying for a "second wind" to come along. I'm also suffering from.about thirty pounds of fluid in my abdominal cavity that makes it impossible to wear my clothes, looks embarrassingly awful, keeps me out of breath, hurts my back & hips, is ruining my life and scaring the hell out of me. That last thing makes me cry. So does the pain. Nobody has shown.any interest in.solving the belly edema and I scared myself with Dr Google because all the explanations for massive excess fluid in the belly sound worse than all the other crap that I know is wrong with me. Oh, dear, I am babbling. I think I may be in the middle of a panic attack RIGHT NOW, and yes, there are tears along with the shaking, nausea, pain, sadness, and fear.
I would welcome ANY kind of relief.
Prayers would be greatly appreciated. I still have to be Mom here & we're getting ready to start a new homeschool year, so it is vitally important that I get some of my most disruptive symptoms under some kind of control very soon. I would like to get my brain back; I miss writing & I miss all of you!
OK, I still physically feel like hell, but in my head it's a lil better now that I've let out some of the things that crush me from.inside my head. It has taken me over an hour to get from.the beginning of my comment to this part of it - that should give you a rough idea as to why I haven't blogged.
Sorry to burden you & anyone else who may be reading this with my meltdown, but thank you for coming by and asking about me. This is a very lonely sickness and not being able to talk about it has probably not been helpful. Thank you for your continued friendship & encouragement, Astroserf, it means more to me than I can ever say. God bless you!